It Came In A Can
by Hofftailing
Summary: Kaname tries to seduce Hikari. Amane to the rescue.


Don't pay attention to the title. I know the idea of Kaname being eco-friendly was started by someone else, and I'm just going with it. All the educational stuff about aluminum and styrofoam I found on wiki. I was extra mean to Kaname and perhaps Momomi, so forgive me. This one-shot includes swearing and the other usual weird things you'd expect from me. Enjoy.

* * *

Hidden behind the trees, Momomi silently witnessed her lover at work, doing what she did best: wax-poetic.

On the other side of said frees, poor little Hikari, the shy star of the Saintly Chorus, was being 'seduced' by Kaname Kenjou.

Again.

For the 4th time that week, and it was only Tuesday.

"…and that's why we can't keep using Styrofoam cups and take-home boxes, but then again, Styrofoam is actually a misnomer, because they aren't really Styrofoam at all, it's actually called polystyrene foam, but that's hardly…"

But Hikari wasn't listening as she desperately struggled against the tight grip Kaname held on her. More than being sexually assaulted, she was dreading another lesson by Kaname. Yesterday's speech on the benefits and various uses of organic cherry tomatoes and how it related to the drop-out rate of Japan's high schools almost put her to sleep.

Luckily, Shion had found them. The president had been on the prowl for a while, looking for her fellow council members. But instead of helping the distressed 3rd year, Shion just scolded Kaname for not closing the Student Council refrigerator door after the Student Council meeting in the Student Council meeting room of the Student Council building. All the Student Council milk hadn't actually gone sour, but that wasn't the point!

In any case, Hikari used the distraction to get away. But that was yesterday, and she found herself in much the same predicament.

"…waste into the water becoming debris, and because it takes such a long time to decompose, it causes both land and marine wildlife to starve…"

"S-stop, it Kaname-san! Please, leave me alone!" Hikari pleaded. This routine was getting old. So old in fact, that Hikari began to time it. Kaname hadn't even gotten to her main point yet, which would probably take another 7-10 minutes. But that was a good sign, because it increased her chances of some kind of distraction which would signal her escape.

She turned to the firm hand that held hers down, and spotted Kaname's usual wristwatch. It read 5:15. At this point, she was going to miss the entire meeting of, "Chivalry for Modern Day Girl Princes Club" with Amane-sempai at St. Lulim.

"…second highest in the green house gas effect, just behind aluminum… _Aluminum_, Hikari!"

"God, no!" Hikari cried out to the heavens. _Please don't get her started!_

Hikari closed her eyes, trying to find her happy place. A happy place filled with tea and cakes and shiny bright lights and Amane-sempai tied up and blindfolded and nak-

"Hikari, listen! Where was I? Oh, yes…It was considered even more precious and valuable than gold… Like my love for you!"

Kaname stopped, suddenly aware of an annoying sound.

In the distance, galloping could be heard echoing through the thick forest. And it was coming closer by the second. If she was going to finally have Hikari, she needed to hurry the hell up.

"…To heal wounds in Ancient Greece! I'm wounded! Please be my aluminum salt, Hikari!" Kaname finished. She began to reach for Hikari's blouse.

"Yes!" thought Momomi with devious glee. She hadn't moved from her spot. In fact, she had been watching the entire time, practically aroused at her love's passionate words.

Unfortunately for her, she had been so engrossed at the 'seduction', that she didn't even notice Amane's arrival until it was too late.

The Prince of Spica was dressed in full shining silver armor, complete with a red cape. She rode Starbright (who sported matching horse-armor) right up to the hiding girl, and took out her crossbow.

_Click!_

_Twang! _

_Thunk!_

"What the fuck?" Momomi cried out in surprise. There was now a pair of small arrows pinning her uniform sleeves to the tree.

Instead of answering, Amane just got off her horse, and met up with Tsubomi and Yaya, who had just arrived on their respective steeds. Yaya was garbed in fancy scarlet and gold robes, while Tsubomi had on torn peasant rags. Her donkey began to nibble at her clothes.

"Quit it!" the pink-haired girl protested, "help!"

Yaya just rolled her eyes before yanking the patched clothing away from the donkey's mouth. She then patted the 1st year's head as if so say: "It's okay, baby, your poor slave-girl clothes are safe now."

After Amane conferred with them for a moment, they both looked to the constrained Momomi and nodded. Yaya went over to her horse and took out a pair of metal handcuffs from a pouch.

Seeing that Momomi was taken care of, Amane clanked over to Kaname and her now tearful girlfriend.

"Unhand her!" Amane demanded, standing tall and firm.

Kaname turned around.

And began to laugh her ass off. "Oh. My. God. You look so ridiculous!"

Seeing her chance to get away, Hikari wriggled loose and slipped away from Kaname, before quickly joining Amane at her side. The literal knight-in-shining- armor took in Hikari's terrified state.

"Hikari, my lovely angelic maiden from the celestial heavens above! Did this fiendishly foul and emotional unstable, yet eco-friendly creature hurt you?" Amane asked as she took Hikari's hand and gave it a quick kiss.

Now, Hikari wasn't a malicious person. In fact, she dare not even hurt a blade of grass if she could help it. But at the same time, she didn't want to experience another one of Kaname's lectures. Who knows what long-winded speech she'd come up with next?

Not to mention the grass stains were a bitch to get out.

"Yes!" Hikari cried. "She hurts me, and I can't stand it anymore!"

"That is enough, my sweet song-bird. I shall take care of this monster," Amane said heroically as she walked up to the now highly amused Kaname.

"What, Amane? Are you going to challenge me to a duel?" she teased.

"You finally speak truth. For slighting my love, I challenge you!" Amane declared. She then took off her gauntlet and threw it down.

Kaname didn't move.

"Pick it up."

"What? Are you stupid, did the ice finally get to your brain?" Kaname mocked. "I'm not picking that thing up!" She then kicked the gauntlet away.

In a flash, Kaname was backed up against the same tree she held Hikari against. But this time, the tip of a broadsword was held dangerously close to her face.

"Wh-what the fuck?! Get that away from me! Are you crazy, Amane?"

"No. I demand satisfaction." Amane corrected as she began to move the sword even closer. The gleam of the blade in the late afternoon sun caused Kaname to blink several times. If she moved, the blade would break skin. But certainly the sword was a prop, there was no way it was real…

She made a grab for the sword, and her hands were met with smooth sharpness. Red began to seep through her enclosed hands, and she quickly let go.

"Foolish, Kaname. How dare you try and test mine blade. Starcutter doth not lie!"

"You crazy, bitch!"

The blade moved forward. It felt cold. A tiny bead of red appeared and trickled down Kaname's sweaty pale cheek. She decided she had enough.

"I give!" she screamed. "I fucking give, okay!? You win! I will never touch, or even look at Hikari again! Just let me go!"

Amane's red eyes narrowed. "Apologize."

Kaname quickly turned to the still frightened blonde and mumbled with hesitation, "…I'm sorry."

She then turned to leave, but the blade was now pressed against her back. "What,_now_?"

"I daresay, you can do better."

Kaname sighed, humiliated. Slowly she bent down and got on all fours in front of Hikari.

"Oh, Hikari- I have seen the error of mine shameful ways, uh… I am truly, deeply sorry. Sorry like that one aluminum soda can in a recycling trash bin that's only for plastic bottles, but no one ever pays attention…Uh, I promise to never disgrace thee with mine wretched presence again! I humbly ask for thy mercy. Forgive me, o-maiden of stars-heaven-planet-moon-healing-beam-celestial…celestial-ness."

Hikari didn't reply at first, confused by what Kaname had just said. But she was sure there was a "forgive me" and a "sorry" in there somewhere. She simply nodded, and looked away. Amane also nodded and slowly retracted the sword before replacing it back into the scabbard which hung on her back.

"Get thee away from my sight!" Amane roared.

But Kaname was already gone, muttering "bat-shit" as she ran.

Amane and Hikari watched her retreating form until she was out of sight.

"Did you see her face? She was absolutely freaked out!"

Hikari nodded and snickered a bit. "Nice touch with the sword, by the way. You didn't actually…"

"No way. Could you imagine the trouble I would be in? I'm surprised Kaname didn't even notice. Actually, Chikaru-san made this prop. If the edges touch any surface, red ink comes out. It's actually kind of neat," Amane explained as she drew red marks with the blade onto a tree trunk.

"She does the strangest things."

"Yeah. That girl has too much time on her hands." Amane looked at her watch on the un-gauntlet covered wrist. "Hey, if we go right now, we'll be able to catch the last few minutes. I need to get this clunky mess off, anyways. Yaya-san and Tsubomi-chan are probably back by now."

"Sure! Oh, and_Starcutter_, Amane-sempai?" Hikari teased.

"Ha-ha. It sounded good in my head."

Amane expertly remounted Starbright, and held out her hand to Hikari. "Care for a ride, my love?"

Hikari just blushed and took Amane's outstretched hand. A few moments later, they were both riding through the forest of Astrea Hill.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Amane. "Hey, I wonder what happened to Momomi," she asked out loud.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she was watching the entire time. I left Yaya-san and Tsubomi-chan to deal with her."

"I'm sure they didn't do anything too crazy. She is part of the Student Council, after all."

Amane sighed, "Yeah, you're right."

One hour later:

Momomi groggily woke up. And immediately wished she hadn't.

"What the hell is this?"

Everywhere she looked, there were students dressed in different outfits. Among those, there were a couple of French maids, cat-girls, girls dressed in questionable sailor outfits, a dominatrix, ninjas, military personnel, and a little girl with a stuffed bear was dressed as a punk-rocker. There was screaming, chaos, and overall general fangirl-ing going on.

Momomi had to get out of here -now- before anyone took notice of her. She tried to move her legs, but tripped over the restraints. Landing on the tiled floor with a thud, she looked up, only to be blinded by the classroom lights. _Damn those two!_

Suddenly the light was blocked out by shadows. There were excited gasps all around.

"Welcome to the Henshin Club!" Chikaru Minamoto enthusiastically greeted.

"No!"


End file.
